SEEN WEARING:
House FavoriteSeen after a protein target was finally respected.
Publicly witnessed. Privately cherished.
Apparel
I'm Only Myself When I've Had My Protein
$22
Apparel
A white cotton tee for people who know they are emotionally unavailable until they hit their protein target.
Select Size
Size helpSecure checkout. 14-day returns. Ships from the U.S. Strange compliments not guaranteed, but likely.
Questions on fit, shipping, or returns? Start with Support before you buy.
Why It Lands
- 01.Strong gym-and-bro absurdity without going mean.
- 02.Conversation-starter energy with a fast public read.
- 03.One of the rawer Day 1 laughs, still wearable in daylight.
Product Specs
- 100% cotton
- Classic fit
- Machine wash cold
Proof
Recently Witnessed
Seen wearing: 1 sighting
Recommended Pairing
Proper Public Incident Kit
The I'm Only Myself When I've Had My Protein is often paired with the Funny Noises Here. It adds the easier laugh to the more specific self-reporting.
A small blessing for choosing two.
House Note
Quiet enough to wear anywhere. Strange enough to earn a look.
It feels aggressive at first, then weirdly honest, which is exactly the point.
We make the relic first. The house appears after.
Peaceful Checkout
Secure checkout · Major cards accepted · Shop Pay available where eligible · 14-day returns · Ships from the U.S.
Built for strange compliments. Backed by a safe checkout.
House Test Notes
Awaiting first public witness report.
If I'm Only Myself When I've Had My Protein causes a laugh, strange compliment, side-eye, hallway incident, or visible decrease in seriousness, file the report. Truthful filings only.